The Evolution of Going Deeper

When I started practicing Yoga 22 years ago, my experience of going deeper was relegated to the possibility of laying flat over my legs when in a forward fold or catching the bind in a seated twist.  I was in fast pursuit of how deeply I could go in an asana, and this gave me the feeling of completely losing myself in a posture.  I felt a bit invincible on my yoga mat.  I yearned for that moment where I was immersed deeply in the pose,  in my breath, in the movement, in the “union” of my body, my mind, and my spirit The moment where the world faded into the background and peace emerged.

The deeper my practice became, the more it felt like my practice was a solitary one.  It was difficult for me to express to my friends and family the profound connection to myself I felt when I was practicing yoga, and that made me feel very alone. I realized that when I left my mat, I was edgy.  

Time passed.  I got married, I had babies.  My body changed.  It rebelled.  I swam in a constant sea of injury and pain striving to get back to that place I had found in my youth.  I was struggling to re-unite. All I knew was to keep striving to push the edge of physicality. After all, I had only found that beautiful place of "union", through the vehicle of my body.  In the rare moments I was able to be present in my practice long enough to go deep, I found that the agitation and frustration that I felt at the completion of my practice was heightened. I even felt resentful to my family for not being able to line-up with my inner peace.  At some point, I knew there had to be more than this tug-of-war between the peace I found in my practice and the chaos of the world.  So, I found a teacher.  

n finding that teacher, my mind was blown.  The Yoga I had known and practiced for so many years of my life began to morph and evolve into something wholly different than anything I had ever experienced before.  I started prioritizing my meditative practices as highly as my physical ones, I immersed myself in study and contemplation.  I was amazed at how much more there was to the practice than I had ever realized.  My new pursuit looked a lot less like a badass arm balance, and a lot more like hours of silent exploration.  Gradually my practice became less daunting (regardless of the external evidence), and I gained more confidence in my individuated approach to practice.  I even started changing the way I was teaching. My experience of yoga became more allowing, more curious.  Yet, I was still uncomfortable in my daily life.  In practice, I could find my peace, but in the world I felt like a whirlwind of thoughts and frustration.  I kept turning to my mat and my cushion for respite, but still found it difficult to integrate what I was discovering about myself and my practice in my fast-paced life of work and family.

I asked myself what is required of me now to move deeper and I realized that the answer was to take this graceful and curious heart of mine off my mat and my cushion and out into the world. This is the next level of my practice.  

Of course I will always re-charge on my mat and my cushion, but the real practice of yoga is now what happens on the street, in the coffee shop, and the grocery store.  The real practice of yoga begins in that moment where I can roll over onto my side, use my hands and arms to lift this gift of a body up, blow out the candles, put on my shoes and walk out into the world. 

Are you ready to go deeper? To bridge the gap between your internal practice and the life you lead? If you are, join me.  

Pose of the Month: Hanumanasana

Many of the asanas in our repertoire have a fascinating mythology behind them.  Perhaps one of the most well known stories is the one of Hanuman, the monkey king and loyal devotee to Lord Rama, who lept across the sea from India to Lanka to reassure Ram’s wife, Sita that she will be rescued.  He is represented in Hanumanasana (Seated Splits) as making that great leap of devotion, and as we practice we are often called to embody that devotion in ourselves. But, for many of today’s modern practitioners, the idea of devotion is a foreign one.  Many yogis in the west can understand the theory, but cannot quite experience the practice.  Maybe one of the biggest hurdles is feeling comfortable offering that much of your heart to another, often unseen and unproven, object of worship.

So, rather than project a contrived feeling of devotion, we can use Hanumanasana to uncover an experience that is unique to all of us, one through which we can enhance our practice and ultimately unite our individual understanding with the universal essence of devotion that lies within all of us.  Hanumanasana is an intermediate to advanced experience of asana when practiced in it’s fullest expression, but there are a plethora of ways to experiment with this pose that provide a foundational experience of its extremes without compromising safety or accessibility.  When we delve in to the practice of Hanumanasana, we dive deep into the experience of our physical self, which can open a pathway to observing the deep essence of the highest Self within.  

There is a perfect essence inside of each and every one of us.  Sometimes we forget that it is there because of all of the distractions and layers that we pile on top of it.  As we practice yoga, we begin to get glimpses of that perfection within, flashes of insight that may express themselves as a sense of ease in a challenging or stressful situation, a feeling of joy without a discernible origin, or an overwhelming experience of calm within the cyclone of our everyday lives.  When these glimpses of our own essence flash through our awareness, we can use them to hone our understanding of devotion, an expression of deep love and commitment and an unshakable loyalty to the ever-present source of perfection in ourselves.

In Hanuamanasana we unite to seemingly contradictory actions to create a challenging expression of expansion and growth.  In this pose, we combine the forward flexion action of the front leg with the extension action of the back leg and the work of balancing the sacrum and spine between these asymmetrical actions.  The hamstrings of the front leg are powerfully lengthening, and action which can be more safely balanced by eccentrically contracting providing a stabilizing action to the sometimes over mobilized joints of the knee and hip.  The back leg should be in powerful internal rotation with strong action in the back foot either with the ankle in dorsi flexion or plantar flexion depending upon the comfort of the back knee.  

This pose offers a deep stretch on the hip flexors of the back leg, primarily the psoas, iliacus, rectus femoris, sartorius and tensor fascia lata.  For people with tight hip flexors, this can present a real challenge.  Modifications abound for this pose that range from several different ways to use blocks and bolsters, to working your way into the pose slowly and accessibly from a low lunge position.

This pose is equally challenging to those practitioners who have tight hamstrings.  The front leg is in full extension, lengthening all three muscles of the hamstring group, the gluteus maximus, and the gastrocnemius and soleus of the calf.  Again, myriad modifications exist here to make this pose accessible and safe as you unwind the layers of tension and restriction that have been perched on our experience for an extended amount of time.

The fullest expression of this pose is full spinal lengthening, with all of the muscles around the spine supporting this action.  When the full pose is achieved, the breath is unobstructed and the spine is stable.  In exploring Hanuamanasana, it is best to find a modification that allows for these points to be at the top of the list of experiences, more than the deep stretch of the hamstrings and work of the hip flexors.  In using this pose to explore the concept of devotion, we don’t seek to push or force anything upon our body or ourselves.  We approach the experience with grace and poise, so that the beauty of our essence can shine through.

Through the patience that is required of our bodies and our minds, we begin to unfold the knowing of our own light.  Instead of cursing ourselves for not getting it, we learn to honor our individual experience, to love where we are at, to be loyal and truthful to what is happening in this moment.  By enduring the this slow unfolding of possibilities, we over and over again practice giving honor and devotion to our highest Self.

Ultimately when Hanuman was challenged to see the objects of his devotion inside of himself, he ripped open his chest, revealing that Ram and Sita lived inside of his own heart.  This is the definitive understanding of devotion, that the object of your deep love and the knowing of your highest Self are not separate but one in the same.  Classically, our path is to first put all our focus on an object, and then concentrate until we become the object of our focus.  So too is the path of devotion (Bhakti Yoga).  By placing all of our focus on the divine, whether it be in external form or the essence of our own hearts, we will then merge with this object and become that which we seek.  The practice of Hanumanasana provides an opportunity to explore this very possibility.

Copyright, reprinted with permission.