Deepest Self

The Evolution of Going Deeper

When I started practicing Yoga 22 years ago, my experience of going deeper was relegated to the possibility of laying flat over my legs when in a forward fold or catching the bind in a seated twist.  I was in fast pursuit of how deeply I could go in an asana, and this gave me the feeling of completely losing myself in a posture.  I felt a bit invincible on my yoga mat.  I yearned for that moment where I was immersed deeply in the pose,  in my breath, in the movement, in the “union” of my body, my mind, and my spirit The moment where the world faded into the background and peace emerged.

The deeper my practice became, the more it felt like my practice was a solitary one.  It was difficult for me to express to my friends and family the profound connection to myself I felt when I was practicing yoga, and that made me feel very alone. I realized that when I left my mat, I was edgy.  

Time passed.  I got married, I had babies.  My body changed.  It rebelled.  I swam in a constant sea of injury and pain striving to get back to that place I had found in my youth.  I was struggling to re-unite. All I knew was to keep striving to push the edge of physicality. After all, I had only found that beautiful place of "union", through the vehicle of my body.  In the rare moments I was able to be present in my practice long enough to go deep, I found that the agitation and frustration that I felt at the completion of my practice was heightened. I even felt resentful to my family for not being able to line-up with my inner peace.  At some point, I knew there had to be more than this tug-of-war between the peace I found in my practice and the chaos of the world.  So, I found a teacher.  

n finding that teacher, my mind was blown.  The Yoga I had known and practiced for so many years of my life began to morph and evolve into something wholly different than anything I had ever experienced before.  I started prioritizing my meditative practices as highly as my physical ones, I immersed myself in study and contemplation.  I was amazed at how much more there was to the practice than I had ever realized.  My new pursuit looked a lot less like a badass arm balance, and a lot more like hours of silent exploration.  Gradually my practice became less daunting (regardless of the external evidence), and I gained more confidence in my individuated approach to practice.  I even started changing the way I was teaching. My experience of yoga became more allowing, more curious.  Yet, I was still uncomfortable in my daily life.  In practice, I could find my peace, but in the world I felt like a whirlwind of thoughts and frustration.  I kept turning to my mat and my cushion for respite, but still found it difficult to integrate what I was discovering about myself and my practice in my fast-paced life of work and family.

I asked myself what is required of me now to move deeper and I realized that the answer was to take this graceful and curious heart of mine off my mat and my cushion and out into the world. This is the next level of my practice.  

Of course I will always re-charge on my mat and my cushion, but the real practice of yoga is now what happens on the street, in the coffee shop, and the grocery store.  The real practice of yoga begins in that moment where I can roll over onto my side, use my hands and arms to lift this gift of a body up, blow out the candles, put on my shoes and walk out into the world. 

Are you ready to go deeper? To bridge the gap between your internal practice and the life you lead? If you are, join me.  

Pose of the Month: Parvritta Janu Sirsasana


What defines you? How do we limit ourselves to a definition of the way things should be, or judgments of the way things are? We find so often that our mat is a mirror, a place to reflect how we experience the practice of living. Asana is a great tool of discovery and reflection. When we are pushed to the edge of what is comfortable in our bodies, we have a human tendency to define our experience. Good or bad, hard or easy, intense or gentle, these dichotomies by definition limit us. In yoga, we seek to move beyond definition to a place where we can experience the good and the bad, the difficult and the easeful simultaneously. After all, yoga essentially means “union,” right? In Pavritta Janu Sirsasana (revolved head to knee pose), we stretch ourselves to the limit of how we define ourselves physically. At the same time, we work to maintain a powerful connection to our root and core. As we practice this pose, we often find that the limits we had placed on ourselves dissolve, and we are able to move beyond physical and mental definitions.

Pavritta Janu Sirsasana begins in a space of total groundedness. Our sitting bones root to the earth and our core lifts us in strength and surety. As we extend our bodies into a new space, it is easy to forget about the roots and the strength that was our beginning. We often move so quickly into defining this place as an extreme stretch, that we forget what originated this moment. So, in this pose, we find a way to experience the dichotomy of strength and of stretching to our limits all at once. If we take the time to observe our tendencies, as we begin in Pavritta Janu Sirsasana, we may discover that we define these dichotomies often in our lives, feeling that we must be either strong or flexible, but rarely both. Thus, by mere definition limit our experience.

Reaching Pavritta Janu Sirsasana requires a good deal of preparation. Spaces of lateral flexion, core strength engagement and pelvic stabilization build to the creation of an asana whose defining moments both encompass and exceed all of the preparation. There is a point in the intense lateral flexion where we question where we are going and how we are going to get there, but, if we keep reaching, keep stretching beyond our perceived limitations, we may find a freedom that is both defined and beyond definition.

When we open our bodies in any way, we open to the infinite potential of our deepest Self. Often a revolved pose such as this, moves the eyes of the heart more deeply inward, but revolved head to knee pose trusts our core and our roots so much that it allows us to open our hearts to the world. As we extend our side bodies and revolve our hearts upward, we move from an individual to a universal definition of Self. At its conclusion, we can feel that Pavritta Janu Sirsasana has left us with an immense feeling of space and freedom of which we may have been previously unaware. We have, for a moment, moved beyond the limited definition of our individual self and into a space of infinite awareness.

Just like any experience on or off our mats, it can be frightening to move beyond the definitions we have created for ourselves. The habitual way we label and define our experiences is so much a part of us that it is almost second nature. But, with consistent practice and patience, we can feel the boundlessness that comes from stretching our limits. We can begin to redefine our old expectations and create new definitions to stretch beyond. It is part of our nature as humans to define our experiences, but it is also part of our spiritual nature to recognize the ways this limits us. So we work with this interplay of our humanness and our spirit, constantly dismantling and rebuilding our definitions to be more in align with who we really are. Coming to your mat with this intention can make the practice of Pavritta Janu Sirsasana an infinitely expansive experience.

Kelly Golden

In regular life, we do not typically move into straight sidebending motions, as in Pavritta Janu Sirsasana. Therefore, this posture moves our bodies in a way that is not something we experience everyday. Pavritta Janu Sirsasana helps to bring greater mobility into the spine and rib cage. This mobility leads to greater expansion of the lungs for fuller breathing capacity and therefore can impact our nervous and endocrine systems.

By stretching the sides of the body, this posture brings length to many muscles that are on the outside of our trunk. The Latissimus Dorsi, which originates on the pelvis and attaches to the shoulder, is elongated which can impact how we move from our pelvis to our spine to our shoulders. Latissimus Dorsi tightness contributes to rounded shoulders and shoulder/back dysfunction so this posture can be helpful for some instances of back and shoulder pain. The Quadratus Lumborum, which originates on the pelvis and attaches to the ribs and lower Thoracic/upper Lumbar vertebrae, is also elongated. The Quadratus Lumborum is often contracted and tight when experiencing low back pain, and therefore this posture can be helpful in some cases of low back pain. The long back muscles, the Erector Spinae, which originate at the sacrum and attach all along way up to the neck are also stretched. All of this brings more space into the spine, one side at a time so that you can work on each side individually versus working both sides simultaneously as in a forward bend such as Paschimottanasana or Janu Sirsasana. Bringing more space into the spine will help to decrease any compressive issues in the back.

Typically this posture is done with the leg out at an angle from the body so that as you bend over the outstretched leg your torso is sidebending towards that side versus flexing forward over the outstretched leg as in Janu Sirsasana. As you come into this posture, there is an opposite direction rotation, so the chest can stay open and your body stays in one plane of motion. Biomechanically this is a natural movement of the vertebrae, sidebending one direction and rotation the opposite direction. As you lift your arm overhead and bind the foot of the outstretched leg you bring the stretch into the Latissimus Dorsi of the side you are moving away from. Typically, as stated above, the outstretched leg is at a wide angle away from the body, bringing the stretch into the Adductors. However, some traditions will do this posture with the leg straightforward, as in Janu Sirsasana. When the pose is done in this way, the stretch is more in the Hamstrings and there is more rotation motion than sidebending motion. This causes the stretch in the torso to be greater in the Obliques than in the Quadratus Lumborum.

Marlysa Sullivan

Copyright, reprinted with permission.