Building a Community of Support & Service in Yoga
I’ve spent several days trying to weave words together to create a statement about what’s been in my mind. I’ve watched Youtube videos, read words from other authors, written page after page in my journal, but I’m still struggling to find the way to convey my thoughts so as to mean something beyond me. And maybe that’s the starting place, how do any of us do anything, create anything, share anything in a way that extends beyond ourselves?
You see, it’s clear that we need each other, but we have forgotten that our need is not transactional, it’s relational. We need connection in order to thrive. Though we are not in control of the types or ways that connection comes to us, we are in control of how we choose to meet those connections. We need to feel supported in order to feel safe, but in our singular story of the support we “want,” we often overlook the variety of ways that support can arrive at our doorstep.
Is it possible that we have become so myopic on how and what we receive that we are missing the gifts that surround us all of the time, and conversely, is it possible that we so singularly focused on ourselves, our personal gain, our individual success and achievement, that we have become completely unaware of our larger impact and our place in the bigger story?
In so many ways, we are living the myth that we are alone. We have more ways to connect than ever before, more people on the planet than at any other time in history, but we are lost to each other. We are more alone, more afraid, more divided. We feel more isolated and excluded. In 2022, we lack what we desire more than ever before. In a modern culture whose values of independence, individualism, and competition have eclipsed the community values of generosity, sharing, and care, even our success and achievements aren't filling the hole of sadness inside. The truth is so close to us, we cannot see it: that we have become so hyper focused on our own gains and losses that we have bypassed the most foundational human need–each other. And, it seems that any suggestion to the contrary causes more withdrawal into isolation. The more we want each other, the more we push each other away from fear of losing what we gain.
So, I’ve been asking a lot of questions, as I’m prone to do when stuck in a conundrum. I’ve been wondering, “can we be resilient alone, can we feel buoyant when we are disconnected from each other?” “How does serving ourselves alone contribute to the whole?” “Can we really exist as a microcosmic universe with little to no impact on the bigger picture?” Sure, we can do all of these things, and so many of us do them very well. But to what end? I haven’t spoken to a single person (on any side of the aisle) that doesn’t believe that our world is in a downward spiral. Sure, these beliefs sound different based on the lens through which they are filtered, but the common denominator is that things are bad, really bad, and no one seems to know how to shift it.
Our lives have become transactional, “I'll scratch your back, if you scratch mine,” and full of justifications for not caring about each other. We dig our heels into our separation, our opposition, our judgements, and we often fail to see our common humanity. I am not advocating for homogeneity, quite the opposite actually. I am calling for the return of appreciation, the tempering of expectation, the arrival with and to what is in any given moment. When we learn that everyone and everything is a potential source of beauty, then we pay attention, we open our hearts, we allay our defenses, and we become generally more available to each other. When we are present with each other, we feel connected, even to strangers and people who are different from us. We see similarity over difference, and we feel a sense of community and belonging in unexpected ways. Care is the bridge to community, and it is an essential component of resilience. Resilience is NOT avoidance of each other or of problems, resilience is NOT escaping the “bad” and “difficult''. Resilience is not tuning out the world around you. Rather, resilience IS engagement with wherever or whomever we find ourselves. Resilience is leaning into the discomfort of unmet expectations, hurt, disappointment, and even fear. Resilience is tuning into what is happening with care for not only how it’s affecting you, but also how it’s impacting everyone around you.
If we want to engage in the experience of resilience, it must include all of us. Diminishing our care to only those closest to home or those most like us is a strategy of protection driven by fear, and it is not a lived experience of resilience. I’m not saying don’t get pissed off. I’m not saying to put up with everyone’s shit. I am inviting us all to realize that all of our shit comes from somewhere, and we are all trying to survive amidst difficulty. We are all human, and we are all having a uniquely human experience in our own way.
So how can we bring more care into our lives? I have a few suggestions:
Lower your expectations (of yourself and others)
Enhance the space in which you find yourself. (Allow your actions to enhance whatever experience you are having)
Be in service to the bigger picture (even when you are pursuing your own individual goals and desires)
Amplify the strengths of those around you. (Not everything is your zone of genius, celebrate those around you who have talent and skill that differs from your own)
Practice generosity. (Being generous makes YOU feel good, and it makes a difference in the lives of those who receive your generosity. Make it a practice that serves you and beyond.)
Be realistically optimistic. (Dare to see the potential in any given situation without denying the reality of the place you are in).
Care for something beyond yourself (and your immediate family) at least 1x a day. (In thought, word, or deed–or all three if you are able)
Remember that EVERYONE has a unique story. (Take a moment to consider the perspective of others–it doesn’t mean you have to agree!!)
Care for others and our world can make us more resilient. It can provide us energy, enthusiasm and connection that we struggle to find when we are burned out, overwhelmed, and exhausted. You don’t have to change your life to care for others, and please, please don’t take care of them!! Simply allow what is to be, lend an ear or a hand if you can. Remember that we are ALL on this massive spinning rock hurtling through space TOGETHER, and that we are all impacting each other every day. All we have to do is invite our awareness into the equation, and we can allow our choices to take the whole picture into account. Division and separation do not breed resilience. Connection, community and belonging do. If we desire to live the Yoga of Resilience, it’s time to uplevel our care for one another. It’s time to recognize our interdependence, and to honor it, even be in reverence to it. Let’s strive to succeed together.